Just shoot me now.

It’s Hump Day and once again it’s not me who’s getting humped. But at least we have that out in the open too. Shame. There are some things that do not have compromises. And there are some things worth fighting for in life. And there are some things worth destroying people’s lives over.

Sex is not one of them. But apparently sex is so important to some people that they will do anything to ensure they get it at the price of losing everything else in life[1].

Bear with me here: this is a true story.

I have this friend who is faced with some unbearable choices. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. He and his wife just finished their divorce[2] (as in, it was final last week) and the reason she started the process was because he decided that his sex life (of which she was a part but just not a major part) was more important than even their own kids. They had only been married for five years and were together one year before that.

I doubt I have to tell anyone who got sole custody of the children. The reason? The judge specifically said that a spouse who wouldn’t be faithful to his wife couldn’t be faithful to his children and should have limited to no contact with them based only on her willingness or lack thereof at any given time. He’s devastated. I spoke with him at length because I feel like I’m in a similar situation. Choices have consequences. But if we can live with those consequences, make those choices. The fact remains, he didn’t believe that his actions and activities with another woman would impact his relationship with his kids (he has four kids). It was just sex. He had no intention of moving in with her. He wasn’t even trying to leave his wife. But he got himself a cute piece of ass and wanted to keep it on the side while telling his wife that it was her fault he was emotionally distant. And now, while still able to see his children because she (allegedly, I don’t know this as a fact) thinks that he might change his mind someday, the judge effectively ripped his life apart and then gave him the max amount of child support Texas can give: 50% of his paycheck to his ex-wife all because he refused to participate in the offered counseling that his wife (the cheated on party who didn’t have to do a damn thing if she didn’t want to) tried to set up[3].

The only thing I could say to him was: Moron. Here’s a woman who loves you with the ability to have a second shot to clean up your act, keep your kids, rebuild your marriage, and learn to love your wife the way she deserves. I doubt she was perfect either and I don’t know her at all. Never met the woman. But no-one is perfect. But even now, he was out to see this other chick over this past weekend. I know because I overheard him talking about it to someone else. He’s stopped telling me about his affair since I told him two months ago that the piece of ass wasn’t worth losing his children or a woman who apparently still loves (loved?) him. So, personally, after I found all that out, I told him just this morning: you are an absolute idiot and you deserve what you get. If someone offered me a chance to keep my family together because I screwed up, I would do anything I could to find every flaw in me, in my relationship, in my partner and start immediately to work on correcting those issues openly and honestly.

Granted, my situation is a bit different. But I’ve approached it about the same way. Yes, technically, I am the wronged party here. But while I still have bouts of anger and hostility, for the most part I have retreated into a self-inspection of how my actions and attitudes contributed to this situation and how I might correct me to make the future better. The only thing I’ve asked in return is that I’m met with the same thing so that we might resolve this in a manner that is mutually beneficial and healing to our relationship and family. I’m not sure I see this as unreasonable.

But more importantly, I see the massive changes I’ve made in my life and I’m well pleased with the results. They are not complete by any stretch of imagination, but I’ve made more progress toward personal personality goals in the last two months than I have in the last two years. I’ve grown more in the last two months than I have in the last five years. I don’t say that to pat myself on the back. I say it because it’s true[4]. I’m actually starting to like who I am again. I’m actually starting to realize that I am worth something more than to be shit on because I can be (and am quite often) a jerk. I’m actually starting to see that my morals and my convictions and my goals are not the problem my life is facing. All of the above include the people I love, the family I want, and the mate I desire for the rest of my life. And that is not subject to compromise.

So what does any of this have to do with Hump Day? I sit at the top of a hump in life at the moment. Everything could slide one way or the other on such simple choices. It could slide downhill backwards into a mess of anger, resentment, and bitterness. Personally speaking, I think there has been quite enough of this, thankyouverymuch. Or it could slide downhill forwards to gain some momentum to reach the next hump and continue forward over the humps of life like a roller-coaster and we find enjoyment in life again.

I wonder which you would choose if you really had the choice in front of you? Would you choose a backwards hell or a forward motion toward change and happiness? Is that really a choice?

Yes. Yes, apparently for some, that’s actually a choice they have to think about.

Not me. I’m just pausing long enough to see if my special someone is going to actually strap on some skates, grab my hand, close her eyes, and trust me when I make that first push off the right foot this time.

Happy Wednesday to everyone! I hope all your choices in life make you ecstatically happy.

innervox

1. And I really am one to make the price as expensive as possible. [↩]
2. It seems like we have an epidemic of divorce in our company right now. I can count at least six different people with their relationships starting, in the middle of, or finishing up a divorce that all started around September. Weird. [↩]
3. Apparently, she offered again in court to halt everything for counseling to avoid divorce, but the judge wouldn’t order it and my friend refused it again in open court and it was, he found out later, a major factor in the judge’s decision against him in the custody portion of the case [↩]
4. Check my waistline if you don’t believe me! LOL [↩]