There are two kinds of knotty.
The first is the good kind of knotty. When you tie something up in a knot, it stays there, people have fun, and generally there is something to be said about the mind blowing (or something blowing *giggle*) experience that happens when all tied up in knots like that.
*ahem* This is a metaphor, people.
Really.
The second is the bad kind of knotty. This is not to be mistaken for the good kind of bad knotty that falls into the first category of knotty. This is the kind that, when tied (and usually badly tied), still comes apart and lets the cat out of the bag. (Though I guess depending on the passion of the pussy tied up, this could still be a good thing!)
Seriously, people. These are just metaphors.
One of the interesting things about starting any kind of knotty endeavor when you’re rope-oriented skills have been neglected and rejected for as long as mine have been is that you have a certain amount of anxiety associated with the trying to get a hang of (or re-hang of) the ropes. Some, of course, never lose those skills or have that anxiety mainly because they are capable of slutting around any street corner (or internet site or company party) to get all tied up without even worrying about the knots or where those knots have been before. But there are two side effects to this kind of anxiety.
One side is about performance (or rather confidence about performance). How can you tie knots if you are anxious about tying the wrong knot or your own knots are not up to par with other people’s knots? And heaven forbid they don’t like your rope!
[I would just like to insert in here that I really am that good! I just picked up a Dance Dance Revolution for Playstation2 for Jinx ... for free! He's been asking for this for a while now. Uh huh! Uh huh! I'm good! (Obviously this entry is taking hours upon hours to write. *sigh*)]
The other side is about self-esteem. Having been flat out told that my knots suck for so long is dehumanizing. For a man not to be capable of knotty is completely different than just being bad at knots. I would like to suggest that this is just knot true. But given that I had been tying knots with only one person for so long, the sudden discovery that my knots were just not good enough was a bit shocking. And, of course, my self-esteem went through the floor quite quickly. If the knots weren’t any good for The One, then who the hell is going to want them?
And contrary to popular opinion, tying a knot is not like riding a bicycle!
But once you’ve tied one knot, it is easy to tie more later. And that’s where the fun gets knotty.
But that’s also where the pussy stays in the pouch and we will talk about other things another time.
Suffice to say, I know how to tie a knot and I’m quite, quite good at it. All it took was some encouragement—something that was missing from my past. Rather than make me feel like my knots were good enough to hold the boat to the pier, it was constantly degraded and ignored. But I learned, also, that sailing is just as much fun as being tied up to the dock and you still get a lot of use out of knots. A lot of knotty knots.
And that’s something the past did not give me either. No longer my loss in the deal. I’ve only begun to learn just how much knots can be knotty or not.
Metaphor, people. It really is all just a metaphor!
Two words: freezing rain.
I find that some things are almost better expressed as casting pearls before swine, but I tend to overlook many things that normal people do in life. It is unfortunate but some of the most creative people I know still don’t have more than a couple brain cells to rub together when it comes to deeper thinking, long term thinking, or even just alternative thinking. And most have control issues that run even deeper than their creativity. I’ve spent years working on such things in my own personal life in varying degrees of success and failure. (Am I really one of very few that actually admits to failures and then attempts to learn from them? Nah. Can’t be!)
One of my problems is a lack of patience and tolerance for stupidity. If I have to say something more than twice, then it lacks the ability to give back any kind of satisfaction for my efforts. If I have to say the same thing more than twice in completely different words and you still don’t get it, then I quit trying. This is a carry-over from something that a past relationship was trying to teach me: that is, you don’t need to be repetitive to make a point. If someone isn’t going to get it, they aren’t going to get it no matter how many times you repeat yourself or say things differently. So I’m learning that lesson and I’ve had to put that into practice a couple times over the holidays. I’m also learning to not press the point once someone has missed it. If they aren’t receptive, they aren’t receptive. No skin off my back.
However, I am still amused by the lengths some people will go to make themselves feel better and look great to other people in public. It’s this need and desire for outer respect that mirrors the utter lack of inner respect that is obvious upon observation. And it’s almost always those with not much else going on. I mean, of course, in the real world. Occultists/pagans are (in)famous for this. And, yes, I still have the t-shirt in my own closet for this one. I don’t think I’ve ever had a project that was successful that I spent so much time talking about my involvement or what it did for me personally. Granted, in hindsight I can look back and see those accomplishments and admit (as opposed to trumpet) how I was instrumental in that project’s existence and success. But that’s not why I do/did such things. (And that’s a whole post in itself!)
In any case, I like what Gerald said recently about tribalism in the coming years. My paraphrase: start hooking up with people of talents and skills for survival—but things like astrology, tarot cards, and massage therapists aren’t the kind of talents that are worth a damn. Amen! I’ll add in there web designers and technical support (which then covers my bases and makes me obsolete already)—and then there is one of the major reasons I am back in school, changing my disciplines, and working toward more productive skills rather than maintaining my uber-
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