It’s so freakin’ freezing! (Actually, it’s just low 40s, but still…)

It looks like we will be trying to hit five states in five months in 2009 plus one possible overseas venture (though this latter is the prenascent stages of planning so I can’t really say much). Some may wish to keep their hotel rooms to hide things, but we’re planning on trying to get around without hotel rooms to see if we can’t meet some old friends and make some new ones. Since Jenn made her final intentions clear on Friday, the push to figure out new job possibilities and living arrangements will begin soon[1]. I feel like breaking out into Motley Crue: My heart’s like an open book / For the whole world to read / Sometimes nothing—keeps me together / At the seams / I’m on my way / I’m on my way / Home sweet home. It’s been a tough ride thus far and I think I’m starting to see the light[2]. Life around here is about to take off not just for the better—since it’s already that—but to new and spectacular peaks and valleys.

But let’s talk about the fun stuff! As if travel isn’t fun! Puh-lease!

Jinx and I went to Half Price Books, Gamestop, and IKEA and had a blast. We had Swedish meatballs for a snack since we’re having early dinner with my dad, grandmother[3], and other son late afternoon. I did pick up some DVD racks that just rock cool. Granted, that means that I have to be Mr Fix-it Man and put them up. I’m still trying to get the hang of things that I didn’t used to do on a regular basis. Not really my forte. But I’ve become quite handy with a screwdriver.

[dramatic pause inserted here]

I might even have to start craving power tools for Yuletide.

[another dramatic pause inserted here]

So very few people will actually get the humor in that and, sadly, the one who will doesn’t give a rat’s ass[4]. But we did stop by Half Price Books. I found a collector’s set of the Beauty series by Anne Rice. I almost bought them since it would appear that our library is going to be torn asunder by the same selfishness as our lives. But I really wanted to buy them as a gift[5] and decided against it. I did, however, pick up three books that were on the clearance shelves:

• The Plucker: An Illustrated Novel by Brom
• The Ruins by Scott Smith
• Poetry and Prose by Walt Whitman

Running around IKEA is just not the same withou…

Jinx and I had a blast running through IKEA. I so wanted to make some larger decisions than I did, but I needed a new set of flatware (since I just don’t have enough, believe it or not, for three since I try to minimize using the dishwasher every day) and a papertowel holder, and just some other small things. And I did pick up a bag of meatballs (minus the lingonberries this time) and the DVD racks. I probably shouldn’t have, but it’s just one more thing I can get out of my hall closet and out into the open.

Going to head off to finish cleaning the apartment our home and get all the laundry put up. Then it’s off to dad’s for a bit and see what the rest of the evening holds. We are working on planning next weekend out of town with some friends since we’re not doing Thanksgiving this year at all[6].

I gotta stop this bitter thing. Saturdays are supposed to be about the fun stuff. I guess I’ll work on getting these posts right starting next week. I mean, I stopped repressed everything else so that I can turn my life into a ticking emotional timebomb, but apparently this is the way I’m supposed to be since peace, love, and happiness is not allowed[7].

Okay. I’ll end with something goofy. While this is certainly a “home made” movie (and the creator admits it), it’s not the video but the song that struck me. LOL! It’s cute. And it’s one that will just go right over someone’s head. Of course, the video gives me heartburn for the simple reason that I can relate right now and it’s depressing to me to work so hard for so many years to have and give so much only to have it be tossed away for nothing more than a wet spot in the sheets.

I can’t help it, I’m just falling; I’ve learned from my mistakes and baby I’m not stalling
Sweet light pouring, sweet like cheesecake, porcelain skin, for heavens sake
Just gimme a break, just gimme some time, just gimme that look and I’ll make you mine, oh Valentine
What a pick-up line, butterflies and cloud nine, in decline all the time
You always do, you always do, you put me through this mess everyday

innervox

1. I’m still living in a state of willing denial and need some time to process all this new information (and allow the fantasy in my head some time to change her mind). [↩]
2. Maybe not, but it’s fun to think that one has finally reached a plateau of understanding. The loss is sharp, but the future is full of so much possibility and potential just waiting to be explored. Tough shit for those who aren’t interested in going with us. Their loss—and I’m beginning to feel no sympathy for demands that are highly unreasonable. Get on the tour bus or stick with the little bicycle you’ve picked up out of the gutter. Once the bus leaves, it ain’t coming back for any reason at all. But shut the fuck up either way and shove that attitude back in some unused hole. [↩]
3. … whom I haven’t seen since my mother died last year [↩]
4. I guess I just so really miss the humor, conversation, and connection we had that she claims (ironically, given the ability to joke about certain obvious things that only she would really get) never were real. It’s actually quite heartbreaking. I really don’t want to have to spend another 13 years trying to start over to just reach the point with someone where a single sentence can hold so may different layers of personal meaning that are filled with joy, laughter, love, and incredible memories. [↩]
5. As I sat there are stared at them, though, I realized they would be taken as expected, never really appreciated for the gift (or the meaning behind the gift), and then such thoughts yet again turned to someone other than me. I’m dealing with some harsh realities here. Nothing I do is good enough at all for someone who claimed to have loved me so much. [↩]
6. It’s all good. It’ll be fun for us both to get away from the uncertainty, chaos, and lack of presence that addiction has pissed all over us for the last couple of years. It’ll be really nice to be around people who care about us rather than just themselves. [↩]
7. It’s just that getting out to “live life” makes me realize how much my experience of life itself was wrapped up totally in my experience of living my life with her. Obviously, the converse, for her, is not true. So many things are still fun but ultimately feel empty because I’m not enjoying them with her next to me smiling, laughing, playing, and enjoying the same things like we used to do—even though she still sits around claiming otherwise. And, quite frankly, nearly all of … well … everything is stuff I would just rather do with her than without her. Most of it was special because she was part of it not because of the experience itself. [↩]